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Gail Martini-Peterson has a degree in English Education from the University of Washington and taught English at the secondary level in Seattle, Washington for thirty-two years.

"Good Writing uses Good Verbs"

by Gail Martini-Peterson

To pull readers into your story, use the active voice. The passive voice pushes readers away. Further, if you transform your verbs into interesting verbs, your story will come alive.

Academic Writing

We get the idea in school that when we use the passive voice, our writing seems heavier, weightier, more important. We don't recognize it as passive voice, but feel the importance in the sentences, the authority and strength. But the opposite is true. To write well and engage the reader, use the active voice.

First, identify passive voice. One good way is to use your word processing program's grammar check. The grammar check only detects POSSIBLE passive voice. It is programmed to looks for ANY "to be" verb in all of its forms (is, am, are, was, were, been, be, being) followed by a verb ending with the "ing" or past (ed) form of anther verb.
* is slapped
* will be followed
* were moved
* are disliked
Just because you used a verb with more than one part (like "are reading") does not mean you have the dreaded passive voice.
Example: Students in seventh grade are reading about the Civil War.
Although wordy, this is not passive voice. The students are doing an activity. Passive voice occurs when the sentence is twisted so that the subject is not the one doing the activity.

How do you identify passive voice? Here is a test your teacher didn't teach you: following a "to be" verb and an "ed" verb form, you find "by someone or something." Sometimes the "by someone or something" is understood but not stated. Look at these examples:
* The first schools were held by itinerate teachers in simple cabins.
* The children were needed half the year by their parents at home.
* School was begun in 1861 by Asa Mercer, the first faculty member.
* Public schools were opened as soon as governments could afford them. [understood: by the people or the government.]
* The first private college in Washington was established in Walla Walla. [understood: by Cushing Eells.]

Change it Around

To change these to the active voice, turn the sentence around and make the "by whom" the subject of the sentence:
* Itinerate teachers held the first schools in simple cabins.
* Parents needed their children at home half of the year.
* Asa Mercer, the first faculty member, began the school in 1861.
* Governments opened public schools as soon as they could afford them.
* Cushing Eells established Washington's first private college in Walla Walla.

Your Turn

This story is written in the passive voice. It is up to you to switch the sentences around and turn the passive into active (66% passive voice according to WORD).

Bobby, the Dalmatian, was left at home, and it was up to Jason to dog-sit. He was required to play with Bobby twice a day. For that, he was paid twenty dollars a day, money he could use to buy a new Nintendo.

Unfortunately, the gate was left unlatched after Jason's first visit. When Jason showed up to feed and water Bobby, the unlatched gate was noticed, and the yard was empty.

Jason called for Bobby, but no bark was heard in the area. Jason almost panicked, but he remembered a leftover chicken breast in the refrigerator.

The chicken breast was fetched by Jason, and his friend Jonah was solicited to help search. They searched high and low, and Bobby was soon found sniffing around Thompson's front yard. The chicken breast was used to lure Bobby home.

The story might go like this in the active voice:

Bobby's owners left their Dalmatian dog at home, and it was up to Jason to dog-sit. The owners required Jason to play with Bobby twice a day. For that, they paid him twenty dollars a day, money he could use to buy a new Nintendo.

Unfortunately, Jason left the gate unlatched after his first visit. When Jason showed up to feed and water Bobby, he noticed the unlatched gate and the empty yard. Jason called for Bobby, but he heard no bark in the area. Jason almost panicked, but he remembered a leftover chicken breast in the refrigerator.

Jason fetched the chicken breast, and he solicited his friend Jonah to help search. They searched high and low, but soon found Bobby sniffing around Thompson's front yard. They used the chicken breast to lure Bobby home.

Use Sparkling Verbs

Be aware that using the "to be" verb means you are using an uninteresting verb. Sometimes it is necessary to use boring verbs to get the job done quickly and cleanly, but they should be only 5% of your writing (a number I made up, but it sounds right).
* Emma is president of her class. * She was grateful for help with her math homework.
Both verbs in the example are "to be" verbs and boring, but do we need an exciting verb here? If the next sentence uses WAS:

* She needed the help, but was sad about staying in at recess.
This isn't passive voice, but it is boring. If the next one uses WAS:
* Emma was helped with her math by Lindy.
This also contains the dreaded passive voice. "Yikes," exclaims the editor as she tosses it into the rejection pile.

Play a game

Try this game when you are held up in traffic or having to wait in line. Start with a boring, simple verb, and think of five better, more interesting ones. Try to think of five before the light changes or you reach the cashier:

walk: saunter, stroll, stumble, glide, stomp
hit: strike, smack, sock, belt, thump
know: comprehend, realize, grasp, see, understand

This kind of practice will help you when you are looking for a good, sparkling verb.

Summary

Avoid the passive voice and use colorful, interesting verbs, so your writing will shine like Emma's finished math homework.

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